An Unwanted Child Should Not Have to Suffer and Be Born

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The reason for abortion is unwanted pregnancy. The argument is that a child should not have to endure being unwanted, so abortion is the most merciful. If adoption is mentioned, it is scoffed at as stigmatizing to a child, and horrible for them to find out they were unwanted. Instead of arguing with "what if's", why not just ask the opinion of the "unwanted" that had to endure that very thing during their childhood?

Here is my story. You have heard part of it. I told you I was supposed to be an abortion, and my Grandmama found out, so that option was no longer available to my mother. She later explained to me her desire for an abortion was because of the tulmultuous relationship with my daddy at the time. He was an alcoholic, and things weren't going so well. Consider she came from alcoholic parents, and had a mother that constantly reminded her how burdensome she was on the mother's body in pregnancy, and early on because of a birth defect that required surgeries. During the time of her birth, wives tales floated in and out of conversation like medical fact. Curses and such were seen in difficult pregnancies, and birth defects. As a little girl, my mother was told it was her fault when she was molested. She was a product of her upbringing in many ways.

Many things in her life caused a lot of brokenness. She was hurt and abandoned by many she trusted and loved. By the time she had me, life had dealt her many hard blows. Four years after I was born, she and my daddy divorced. That was the last blow to her I do believe. I was still very needy, and as a child, those needs could not be postponed as she sorted through grief over her divorce. Bitterness set in.

I remember at a very young a day after Christmas thinking that things were not just working out, and thinking about Santa Clause before I fell asleep. My thoughts of him were of a "knight in shining armor," coming to save me. He was the one that thought about me all year. Then my thoughts went to if there was really someone that thought I was worth saving. I fell asleep hoping. I don't know, what my dreams were, but I woke up to noise, and my mom rustling me. She told me someone was knocking on my door to the outside. (my bedroom had sliding glass doors). I rubbed my eyes, and there was Santa Clause! One day after Christmas, he made a special visit and was outside my door. He had a huge stuffed animal to give me. It was an uncle, that made a special visit and wanted to show me love. He had no idea how special that visit was.

Most of my days I sat with my thoughts creating up stories in my head. My backyard was my universe. I guess that is the writer in me, but I remember sitting in a tree and staring up to the sky wondering about the best friend ever, and hearing a voice I didn't quiet understand say "yes." I knew someone was with me in that tree with me. I would go to the back yard during the winter and lean my back on the brick wall that received direct sunlight and daydream. I loved feeling that warmth.

I seemed to always be getting in trouble. I would make my mother extremely mad. I always thought, "why do I do that? I cant ever get it right." I did not know the anger that erupted when I did wrong was not a healthy way to handle a child. I thought that I was just abnormal and cause for hatred. It got worse when my brother decided he wanted to live with my father. It devastated my mother. I made a vow I would never leave her like that because I loved her so much. I wanted her to know that even though I was a bad  child, I loved her so very much. Many times that would comfort her, but on days I had made her mad, she would tell me that I was the reason that my brother moved away. She told me no one liked me.

The heavy hitting blow was when I was told on the way to school (4th grade) that "You are a curse from God. I must have done something horrible in my past life to be given a child like you."  In an earlier post I wrote that I found out about abortion as a kindergartener , and guess what we started learning in 4th grade. Sex education. It was very sterile teaching and didn't go in much detail, but can you imagine what goes through the mind of a child that was supposed to be an abortion and then being taught about it at school as a right to a woman for unneeded suffering?

Some mornings when I missed the bus, and my mother had to bring me, I felt awful for crying when I got into the school for the way I was talked to. Friends would ask me what was wrong, and I could not understand why thought it was so odd for a mother to be angry and call her little girl a bitch. Didn't all mommy's get mad and say things like that? If not, then it must mean I was a real screw up to cause such behavior.

As a teenager, the tension between me and my mother got worse. I was a teenager daydreaming one day, as I left my swimming hole. I was wishing that I still had my cat. He had died the previous year at that very place. I thought to myself, I wish i had my cat; I don't have anyone that loves me. I went to band camp that day, and came home in the evening to find my cat sitting prim and proper in my driveway waiting on me. He was perfect. There was not a spot of dirt on him, no wax in his ears, and not a flea on him. I knew God heard my secret thoughts in that instant, and he was sending me a reminder of how much he cared for me. No one on earth can tell me that God did not raise that cat's life.

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Fast Forward many years, many sins, and mistakes down the road. If you want to read about my experience with choice, adoption and abortion, read here ----->Personal Account of Abortion

I have six children by birth, and 8 total with my second husband. I am saved and at an altar in a Christian healing service. There was a teaching on the power of words, curses and thought beliefs attached when they are spoken to us. We are asked to come to the altar if there had been unhealthy thoughts we had developed and we wanted to be free from. I had been saved for a while at that point, successful at encouraging others, and yet, I realized I did have a nagging feeling that I was a mistake, a screw up that just could not get it right.

I went to the altar, and there were people ready to pray for you. A woman the age of my mother approached me. I was scared and felt like I needed to apologize to her for my profuse crying at this point. I was sure it was embarrassing to her and would make her job more difficult. She did not know me. She smiled and said,

" Can I give you a mama hug?"

I was taken back at the tenderness in her voice and the vulnerability in my heart. At first I wanted to run because I thought as soon as she hugged me, she would see the horrible mistakes I had made in my life, and the hurt I had caused so many people. I nodded my head, and she embraced me in the softest cushiest southern mama hug there ever was. She nuzzled her mouth up to my ear and said.

"I am so proud of you. You are so beautiful, and you are a delightful daughter. You are a wonderful mother, and there is nothing you could do to make me love you less."

I broke. I don't know if there were more human words spoken or not, but all curses from hell at that moment were broken. There were no whisper lies clanging in my mind to reject that statement as untruth. After waves of healing sobs held by a warm mother, she released me and looked into my eyes, and told me to speak out the lie I had been believing and disagree with it.

I said, "I am not a curse from God. I am not a punishment for anything. I am not a mistake."

She said, "Now I want you to close your eyes, as I pray for you, and let God show you where he was in those hurtful moments."

The moment I thought I didn't think there could be  no better feeling than I had already felt, I closed my eyes. She began to pray, and I can't tell you what she said. I immediately felt warmth on my back, and realized I was in my backyard as a child. I was hearing whispering songs of love as I saw myself in a tree sitting with a friend that said I am here. I saw a Knight in Shining armor coming to rescue me in the middle of my darkest nights. I saw teachers that had encouraged me and blown me away with their kind words. I saw little gifts like a white cat resurrected as an expression of miraculous love, and my daughters that I adore so very much, all the while an intense soft heat warmed and strengthened my back.

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Where was God when I suffered? He was there holding me and sustaining me. As he was leeching out the pain and bitterness, he was filling me with love and forgiveness.

I have children that I love, and love me back. I have friends and family that appreciate their relationship with me, and I do not regret being born. I see the blessing in what I endured, when I can share with others from a healed viewpoint. It is a delight to walk someone else through prayer renouncing lies they have believed. It is a joy to see a man or woman glow with love they have received from the lover of their souls.

Jeremiah 1:5
I chose you before I formed you in the womb;
I set you apart before you were born.
I appointed you a prophet to the nations.
Psalm 139:12-18
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For certainly you made my mind and heart;
you wove me together in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake you are still there.

 

  Suffering is seen as something so negative, that it should be avoided like a disease. A mother suffering should not have to carry a child many say, especially if it was a product of rape. King David was chosen the king out of all his father's sons. Many speculate that David was hidden away because of the circumstances around his conception. Psalm 51:5 David writes: Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. And yet he  goes on to say Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. God can and has taken the darkest times in the history of mankind and redeemed it. He has taken people born because of sin whether it be rape, or adultery and used them in mighty ways. I would not have come to know God as my savior had I not cried out to him when I thought I was carrying a child that was a product of rape.

1 Peter 2:20 -25 But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is please with you. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.

I understand non believers struggling with choice and the pain of an unwanted pregnancy. I do not understand a believer that has access to the word of God, supporting abortion when the one they profess to believe in suffered and sacrificed his own body to redeem them. I think the believers that wish to support abortion do so, because of their own idols. The idol of fear and control, and the love of money. The worse of the worse situations in sickness or risk of death require faith. Faith that God honors those that obey his word in this life or in the next. If they do not see the product of reward on this side of heaven, they choose control instead of faith. If supporting life means sponsoring  a single mother, they all of a sudden find out how much they worship money. Fear sets in and they worry over the future of so many children being born that they adopt a secular approach to population control.

Dear Christian ,

If you use Population Control as a reason behind your support of abortion , let me recommend to you that you take my bible out of your mouth. Because in that very same bible, Pharaoh had that mentality , and God put him and his kingdom in check.

Dear Non-believer,

I don't ask you to adopt my views. I just ask you to consider all the people in your life that have made you feel loved. Consider the scholars, doctors, scientist and leaders that have inspired you. Think of their contributions to your life. Now consider what your life would be like if their mother had chosen abortion. How many times can you directly associate abortion with a positive impact on your life compared to the times the choice of life? If you find yourself involved with an unwanted pregnancy, would you go to a crisis pregnancy center first? I assure you , you will find people that are sensitive to our feelings, and will help you no matter  your religious views.

Dear Mother or Father that Aborted a Child,

You may be experiencing a lot of pain because of the recent news on Planned Parenthood. You might have watched a video, and been hit hard with the truth behind abortion. Or you may have developed an even stronger resolve to hate pro-lifers because of some people's outrage and harsh words. Take a deep breath. If I could look you in your eyes, I would. Even if you told me you had no regrets or guilt over your decision, I would tell you, I love you, and most importantly God loves you. He is holding out reconciliation to you to restore you heal you, and forgive you. If you are a Christian and know you are saved, you still might be in need of emotional healing. You aren't a weak Christian because of that. It does not show a lack of faith if you still struggle. There are counselors waiting on your call, and literature you can read.

I'll Hold You in Heaven
By Jack Hayford